Ug, why go to all the trouble of travelling to Antarctica? All that time spent planning just to crunch around on some snow or ice? You could totally get the same thing just by hanging out in Toronto or Oslo, right? Forget what all the people who actually make the trip say about how much they loved their Antarctic cruise, we’re here to give you reasons you should avoid going to Antarctica at all costs.
1. The penguins won’t leave you alone.
Come mating season there are millions of penguins on the continent and the nearby islands. Protective laws try to keep your visit peaceful by not allowing you to interfere with colonies; however penguins are total rebels and will completely ignore the rules so that they can waddle right on up to see what you’re up to, impinging on your relaxation time. So rude.
2. Ice and snow as far as the eye can see.
Just look at these landscapes. That’s just what everybody wants – to have their camera cards filled up because you can’t stop snapping pictures of the views. Plus it kind of makes your camera-button finger sore.
3. The Aurora Australis might keep you up at night.
You’re just trying to have a nice night camping out under the clear Antarctic skies but you can’t get any sleep because these blue-green curtains of light keep rippling across the heavens above you. Like, hello Antarctica? We need our sleep because we’ll have to spend all the next day avoiding nosy penguins again.
4. There aren’t any proper time zones.
Antarctica is sliced up by all the major time zones of the world, but nobody wants to walk around constantly adjusting their watches or phones. Depending on whether its summer or winter the Antarctic either has extremely long periods of daylight or darkness, kind of rendering time zones pointless anyway. Since nobody in their right mind would interpret this to mean that it’s never martini o’clock, that means it has to be martini o’clock all day every day. Who wants that?
5. Whales keep disturbing the water.
Once you make it through the waves of the Drake Passage you’re going to be craving some nice calm waters. You settle in, ready to enjoy some peace and quiet, but then oh no, one of the so-called “gentle giants” of the seas has to go and splash up out of the ocean, chasing fish or even coming right up to your ship to check you out.
6. Icebergs keep getting in the way.
You’re on a Zodiac (a rubber outboard-engine boat) trying to snap a picture of your friend on the shore as they dodge inquisitive penguins when a large blue-white chunk of ice bobs its merry way into your point of view. Sure, some people consider them “beautiful” and to be a fine example of natural art, but your friend can’t hold that duckface pose forever!
7. There’s too much to do.
Most cruise lines offer a whole host of activities – kayaking, visits to historic spots, snow shoeing, hikes of varying degrees of difficulty, ski treks, mountaineering, camping out, nature lectures, photography courses, wildlife spotting, helicopter rides, even diving. It’s tough to fit it all that into one trip. Now how is that fair?
8. You learn stuff.
Speaking of lectures, who wants to have to learn new things while on an adventure? Sure, talks and lectures and hanging out with experts is purely optional, but if you don’t take advantage of them they just look at you with big puppy eyes.
9. You’ll want to come back.
Taking in all of the beauty and wildlife and history offered by the Antarctic and its nearby islands is pretty much impossible to do on just one Antarctic cruise. That means that, just like so many other people who have made the journey, you’re going to be constantly hankering to come back for more. That’s just great. Thanks a lot, Antarctica!